Monday, 15 August 2011

a little secret

You know, you could never know enough about someone unless you just observe and listen. Sometimes its the best that you could possibly do. I work with Shauna everyday. I spend at least 6 hours a day with her and still there are things that I didn't know. She hides things well, feelings, hurt, pain, anger, frustration. Its embedded in her to hide these things. I asked Shauna if I could post this onto the blog and she was okay with it, so here goes a little story that Shauna told me today:

This morning as I came running into the room excited about my certificate, I could sense a certain "quietness" about her. Her brother was there, at her bedside. Quiet too. Though I could see something was up, my excitement was still in the air and I had to just say thank you to her a billion times. Her brother left at that moment, and as he said goodbye to her, a tear dropped from her eye. I looked at her and asked what she was thinking about that could make her this sad? She turned and said to me -

"16 years ago, I was 6 years old. I remember waking up to hear my dad bag the front door and leaving, saying he had to go somewhere. I remember getting out of bed and running to my brother and asking him to let me lay there. It was normal for my parents to argue, I hated it but somehow my brother could shelter it. My mother got ready for work and at the time, Shandre' was 9 months old and she was so quiet all the time. After my mother took Shandre to her daymother, my brother and I got out of bed and went to school. It was an hour walk from where we lived but we'd leave early so that we could walk slowly. Halfway through our day at school the principal called for us from our class and my dad was there to pick me up and take me home, that day Shandre' died because of a lung infection that went bad. I remember every minute of that day freshly in my mind. It was about 4 years before Chante' was born but the memory of that day will never leave my mind. Since the year I matriculated I have gone to her grave at least once a month, finding comfort in the thought that I could update her on everything that happened in my life, telling her who I was. Since I've been in hospital, I haven't visited her once. And today I stand looking out of my window into the very hospital she died in"

It tore me, hearing those words. I memorised it and I think I left pieces out but I just had to post this. Its part of who Shauna is. I will never look outside her window the same way again.

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