Wednesday, 31 August 2011


Woah! Too busy for time itself, I started typing up a blog update then accidentally deleted it in my rush to get things done. How dumb! Anyhoo... I spent some time piecing together all the needs and requirements for Shauna's treatments and scheduling sessions and things and my head is going to blow up if I look at Outlook or Excel again! And with the infamous Dr Elche annoying the life out of me, by calling me every 10 minutes was no joke. Yes Dr Elche! I can't wait till you're back tomorrow....

Maybe I should post a new schedule? Dr Elche... You best approve it or you'll have me and my reader's kicking your butt :-) seriously, let me know if that's all and if there's anything I should add...

Other than my reporting and scheduling and running around, I managed to get an update by Dr Adams to give you all. Since yesterday, Shauna's BP has gone up quite a bit. He met with her this morning about it. She's been having some bad dreams. She says they're not necessarily dreams but somehow something she's seen or experienced that she's just not fully registering. Dr Salie says that chances are, it may be something she's trying to either block out or something she's trying to remember coming back to her thoughts. He'll be arranging sessions with Dr Levine and Dr Eltoe regarding all this. For now, we're going to have a busy few weeks. Shauna's leukemia keeps weakening her (yes, she still has that) and with her being this sick, doctors will be treading carefully. Physio with Shauna will be put on hold, up until her lung muscles' "elasticity" has restored itself - that was Dr Adams words, not mine (sometimes he thinks he's so great he can say things like that) but I suppose all you readers have realised what was meant by that. And once its able to work by itself (without the help of the pump) and then we'll be able to start some form of physio, poor Shauna is so frustrated with not being able to be mobile.

He also said that Shauna's been having nosebleeds, this is very nervy to him. They're going to do scans first thing in the morning, it could be a small bit of nothing or it could be something, we don't know. She's suffered some nausea too, this is being monitored by Dr Adams himself. Dr Elche will be back tomorrow to be there as a support should Dr Adams require.

I have some more info, unfortunately I am unable to do so right now, but soon it will be posted.

Kellsie :-)

Tuesday, 30 August 2011

pretty much too much

So, I was off yesterday. Dr Elche said that I could have the day off which I needed, but then again who could possibly stay away. I thought yesterday I'd go check up on her and take her one of her favorite smoothies. The smile on my face when she enjoyed it :-) having her back is awesome and for those who feels that her amnesia is too much, think of it this way, you get to relive all your wonderful moments with her.

When sitting with her yesterday, it wasn't really that long but we could speak forever! She's amazing like that, she went through some of the pictures she had and thought of all the things that she felt mean a lot to her. She mentioned that she felt that its by time that she made contact with some of her friends. It was a tough choice, I mean that you know the person and how much that person means to you but still there's parts and things your mind won't let you remember about that person. I asked her to let me know how it went when I get back to the hospital today.

If she made contact with you and you're feeling like you don't know how to handle it, don't freak out! She'll know. Right now, she's in a fragile state of mind and Dr Elche explained to us all so carefully that she's in the very first stages of this, she feels so many things that she's not sure she can explain and sometimes feel like her mind is playing games with her. Don't try to change the way you speak to her, she'll know and if she doesn't remember, she is highly likely to ask you questions. She may not remember certain things, but she remembers you! That's the important thing. Don't also push her to remember things, she won't! She'll feel pressured and her mind won't open up to the idea or memory of it.

Don't shun her down! Don't! Her emotions are what drives her now, any negative feeling may be detrimental to her health.

Other than this, I'm heading to the hospital in about an hour and will have an update for you all when I've gone through and spoken to everyone. We'll probably be a bit busy and Dr Elche is in Johannesburg with our sponsors that pays my wonderful salary :-)

Thank you all for the support and for reading, till later...

Saturday, 27 August 2011

report from Dr Elche

I'm with Shauna now, we're just sitting here talking. She's going through some emails to get some part of her memory back. I think she's just frustrating herself here because she's trying too hard. But that's her, stubborn as hell.

So Dr Elche has given me some info to post here for you all, and here it goes:

Shauna's has absolutely no feeling in her left leg, she's unable to move it. This Dan will have to treat with intense physiotherapy and to be consistently monitored and observed by Dr Eltoe. Also Dr Adams has noticed that at certain points of emotional stress, Shauna's right hand thumb keeps flickering. Dr Adams will be assessing this. As for other pains, she still feels much nausea however pains and nausea have cleared up a bit due to medication given to her.

As for her amnesia, this is the big question everyone has, yes its bad. However, Dr Elche stresses that you need to remember and understand that she has only woken up today and may just be overwhelmed. This may lead to her not responding to certain familiarities. With this doctors do know that to an extent her amnesia is not as bad as it seems. They will be taking care of her. And checking up on this as much possible. Dr Adams says that he may need to do some scans to determine some answers to questions.

The effect of Shauna's stroke is clear, however there are still many unanswered questions. There is confirmation that she does suffer from amnesia, like I mentioned before its the extent we are concerned about. Aside from that, her chest pains are much lighter. We all need to get together with her to discuss all these things.

Okay, I really gotta go :-)

See you all. I'll send your love

wakey wakey

And she's AWAKE!!! This might just be my happiest blog update ever. Phew! What a stressful week! She's awake! Awake! Awake! Princess Shauna's AWAKE!

At 08:55 while I was in the kitchen Dr Elche was asleep at her side and I hear a scream and in my freaked out state of mind, I just ran down the hall. And there she was. Screaming load in pain and Dr Elche trying to calm her down. I immediately called Dr Salie & Dr Adams to get there to help. I went into the room and inside I'm freaking out because of the way she's screaming and tears are streaming down her face. I froze for a second and Dr Elche kept telling me to make her comfortable. Dr Adams and Dr Eltoe like ran into the room to help her. I stood outside and watched while they were busy. I could have had a damn heart attack in all this!

Dr Elche is still busy with her now and so is Dr Adams. She's not screaming anymore however you can see that brave face she's holding. This is so hard for her, she can't move her left leg and her body hurts like hell. But that brave face is back, that face that makes things seem so much simpler, that face that holds back everything happening inside. She's so fucking amazing (sorry, it had to be said). I really feel for her family, her mother just left, seeing this is just too much and her brother, he's trying his best to be there for his mom. Its such a tough experience for any family, so overwhelming. Alex, she's in there holding Shauna's hand. We let Alex in to do this because its a comforting thing to her. Alex always has the perfect thing to say to Shauna.

For her family this must have been the hardest thing to experience. Seeing someone so strong break that way from pain, is no easy task for any human. And for her mother to be there, makes her a brave woman. Right now, Alex is talking to her which seems to be helping. She's randomly telling Shauna random things, and being an amazing friend. Thank you Alex, I really have no clue how you handle it. Here I am, spent four years learning to control my emotions and I still can't.

So I'm updating the blog now, because I will be on shift later and honestly I was so excited to post that she's awake :-) and Dr Adams has said that he'll need me to be available to help him.

So, now that Dr Elche is out, he said that she's awake and they have given her medication to ease her pains and to help her deal with the nausea and dizzy spells. However she may suffer from amnesia. Though a mild version. They don't know how bad it is, they only know that its there. They are with her now and Dr Elche can't give me any more info now. I'll probably get it all in our meeting now.

Oh no! That's NOW! I need to go.

Thanks for reading again :-)

Friday, 26 August 2011

on a lighter note...

So Shauna's still not up yet. We're still here. There was a huge accident on the main road and there were some casualties, so some of our doctors were asked to assist. Dr Elche stayed behind and we're only 3 here. Luckily its not too far away so if anything happens, we can call them in.

And now the few of us are half asleep and in our bored state of minds, we decided to just sit back and talk about our special "Shauna moments". Yes, we have many of them. Shauna is one of those people that just manage somehow to turn the worst possible situation into something easier to deal with. So here's some of our magical moments with Shauna:

When Shauna first did the identification check with Home Affairs and it declared her deceased, she yelled so loud. When she called Home Affairs, the poor woman on the other end of the line.... The more she tried to explain to Shauna, the more Shauna was yelling at her that she's alive. Such a special moment.

Her best falling down moment? When we were in the other hospital, Shauna was trying to explain to the nurse on duty that the wet mark on the floor is dangerous. The nurse understood but she was busy and said she'll call a cleaner, but NO, Shauna had to explain and illustrate. When she turned around in frustration she slipped and fell. Not too hard, but then she turned to the nurse and said, "someone could have died there!" And when the nurse finally agreed to clean it up, she got back up walked and slipped again.

Her best sneak off? Shauna has this habbit of sneaking out of her room and visiting other patients or walking around the hospital, sitting on the roof or just randomly hanging around people. One day she couldn't find her wheelchair, somehow managed to get off her bed, crawled to the closet and found crutches. She then snuck out and grabbed a lab coat, walked around the hospital and randomly conversed with patients in other wards. She was gone from her room for 2 hours. And there was another incident when Shauna also grabbed a labcoat and disappeared. With that, we still don't know where she went. About an hour later, she returned to her room.

Best wheelchair moment? She loves a wheelchair, not because she wasn't able to walk, but just for the fun of racing other people in wheelchairs. She even made me do that a few times. Yes, she made me and well everyone do that. Weird, but fun. Best wheelchair moment was when she raced for charity. She lost but raised R2500.00 for disabled children. Great job Shauna!

I need to go now :-) sorry, maybe I'll find the time to post more soon.


We have a plan

So, this morning we met together. Dr Elche found it very important to discuss any plan of action should Shauna awake from her blanket state. Now, this is becoming a BIG if! Especially considering that she has been this way all week. Dr Salie & Dr Moolla advised that we need to ensure that she has full brain capacity when she wakes, thus we're monitoring her reactions, etc.

As per Dr Elche, should she wake, she would experience immediate discomfort. This would be due to pains she will have, she will feel a rush of various sensations, even breathing may be a discomfort. She will be disoriented and confusion may be the cause to a light panic attack on her side. Dr Salie's words were, "take caution with her, she may hurt herself in the panic" and do not shove her around or hold her down. Speak to her and hold her hand, do things that adds familiarity to her. She might also suffer mild amnesia, we don't know how serious it could be but its very much possible.

So that's what we are expecting and are preparing ourselves for worst case scenario. What we will have to do when Shauna's calm enough is to run as many tests possible to assess how things are going with her and what steps these wonderful doctors need to take. Dr Elche has put a plan together involving each one of us and a step by step plan for when she wakes up. Shauna would be so proud of him. Our sponsors are here today (just great!) and I have to behave myself, maybe another update later :-)

Thanks for reading

Thursday, 25 August 2011

working hard

Today was surprisingly busy. For someone who's asleep Shauna keeps us all relatively busy. Aside from concerned family members, we had no surprise visitors today. And we had some tests that was to be run. This is just some feedback from Dr Elche.

Shauna had some bruising that reflected she had internal bleeding, for this we had stopped it this morning and she's still asleep! Dr Elche and Dr Adams done some tests today to see her reaction to things, its just something to see how the stroke may have affected her. These were minor tests, a prick in all fingers and toes, an ice block on her arms and legs and just simple things to see her reactions to it. Usually the muscles react immediately without your conscience intervening, they tighten and become stiff. This happened with everything but her leg. She may have nerve damage there however doctors will have to run tests to observe. Tomorrow morning we have a meeting at 08:00 to discuss movement forward. Dan, Shauna's physio therapist will work with her neurologist to find ways of helping Shauna. Hopefully, she recovers from this state.

For now, I need to sleep. Its been exhausting and my head hurts.

I will post more info as soon as I can.

Kellz :-)

Wednesday, 24 August 2011

an update

After a very long meeting with the doctors this afternoon, I am exhausted! So tired. Before I get to the update info, I just had to share this. Today, some school friends of Shauna came around. Bringing positive thoughts, thanks to her friend Alex. We had a room with 25 school friends of Shauna including the principal of her school all wearing their school uniform talking to her. Each of them telling her how she's impacted on their lives. It was so amazing, a real superhero. Helping people and saving the world the way she knows best. I was stunned. One of the students read her this beautiful poem and this piece just stuck out for me:

This path I go with my eyes closed
My armor shining, I am fully clothed
For battle my is ready for
I can fight, say no more
I believe in who I am today
For my head, heart and soul are guided that way.

Such a beautiful piece. I know somehow she heard it, there was no miraculous reaction, there was no sudden breathes that she took, she didn't suddenly wake up, but I know, I just know she heard it.

And on that note, here's Dr Elche's report of Shauna's current state. Please note that the information that I am giving is factual, and I have Shauna's consent to post this. And just so that we're clear, I'm not posting the full report as some of the information may be of a sensitive nature and before posting that I would need further consent from Shauna, well or her medical signatory in the event she's incapacitated. (Sorry, I always wanted to put together my own disclaimer).

During the surgical procedure, Shauna suffered a minor stroke. This was confirmed today. This is the reason for her blanket state. Though both clots have been removed, the stroke has impacted on her body and has caused sever damage. Unfortunately Dr Levine and I were unable to operate any further due to Shauna's condition. We have to monitor the situation carefully as we can verify that she is NOT in a coma, thus we have hope. She still has much recovery and we are only able to assess the severity of the damage once she is awake, such as physical pains and damaged arteries. There is stoll the risk that Shauna may slip into a coma however our specialists are carefully monitoring to ensure that this does not happen without us being aware.

Also, *just off the record* Shauna's heart rate pushed up last night and though it came back down again, Dr Elche has said that it is a good thing, somehow she's responding and this confirms that she is just in a blanket state and NOT a coma.

That's the update for now.

If I do have any further information, either I will post or Dr Elche will let everyone know.

Thank you for taking the time and loving her like you do.

Tuesday, 23 August 2011

just quiet day

Yip! A quiet day, too quiet. And not in such a wonderful way.

We had some shuffling around this morning discussing what we can and can't do, but still it just can't fill up our day. I'm even updating my blog now, why? Because there is nothing I can do and I HATE it! And poor Dr Elche, I'm so heartbroken when I see him. He hasn't left Shauna's room, aside from now to be in a meeting, but he just cannot find himself to leave her side. Its sweet, but heartbreaking at the same time. Just watching him there makes you crumble.

All we can do right now is make her comfortable, keep her in as little pain as possible and hope that she will wake up soon. I guess it was all too much for her. Our shifts have changed. We now have 6 hour shifts, making it a shorter time and my shift ended 2 hours ago and I can't seem to find myself away. We've set the television for her shows like The Justice League, Superman, Batman and the Green Lantern; and then reading her comic books to her and of course playing her music, 30 Seconds to Mars on repeat. I swear I know all the words already. I played some odd songs that I know she loves, still, nothing. I do this in hope that somehow she hears it and gets out of her blanket state. I know that it sounds corny like from movies or something but I just can't help but try.

she's just there and I can do nothing to change it.

Monday, 22 August 2011


I titled this blog "sigh" because that's how we all feel. Each of us today are so tired and exhausted, its ridiculous! Woah! What a day?! I don't think any of us could have survived this day unprepared.

So yeah, we were up at 04:30 this morning. At least I was. I couldn't sleep any further, I went to Shauna's room and it seemed like she had some difficulties sleeping too. I sat with her up until 05:45 and realised I had to be ready by 06:00, I rushed back and got myself done and by the time I reached her room, some of the doctors were there already, waiting on my. We arranged for some med students to come in today to observe. Dr Elche does this from time - to - time. He feels that its best we show them than they just learn. Shauna felt a bit overwhelmed, she used to it but today it seemed like her nerves got the best of her. I called Dr Elche and he was already up and busy since 5AM! That's him! He said he just needed to review some notes and will be in to wish Shauna well as soon as he could.

Shauna, ever brave, put on her soldier's face today. She even gave us all a pep talk before her anesthetic. She said thank you to us all, and that she was ready, come what may. Dr Elche sat from the viewing box, taking notes and piecing things together. And suddenly, the monitors went crazy and all I heard was this beeping buzz everywhere. I held my cool and went on but I think anyone could see the panic on my face. Dr Adams told me to help Dr Elche clear up and get into the operating room. Shauna was having a seizure. More like a panic attack but it was serious. Her entire body shook uncontrollably and by the time I reached the door, Dr Elche was almost ready to walk in. He told me to hang shift and let Nicole in to assist for the while. I felt so helpless, and I could imagine how he must have felt that very second he saw it. I saw him standing at her side, with Dr Adams and Dr Levine to bring her seizure down and as he was there he mumbled to her, I couldn't make out what he was saying, but I think deep down inside Shauna understood. He seizure didn't last that long but it caused severe damage especially since she was being operated on.

I freaked out on my side, which was outside and took a walk. When I went back I still wasn't allowed in. And Dr Elche was helping to operate. Eventually they got things clear, almost 10 hours later. I could see the concern on all their faces walking out. By then I was back in the OR helping with the clean up and preparing to take Shauna back to her room.

I spoke to Dr Elche who said that Shauna's weak right now, she's exhausted and sadly she's not breathing on her own. We've set up an oxygen pump and she will be monitored tonight. And for now, she's in a deep state of sleep, not necessarily a coma but bordering one. The ever exhausted Dr Elche is asleep right now, on a couch holding her hand. When I have more information from him tomorrow, I'll post something again.

Thank you all for your support and for reading :-)

Sunday, 21 August 2011

day before surgery

So today was prep day, busy day for me and I probably should be asleep now and I slept for a bit but I'm suddenly so awake, I thought that I may as well post something before I sleep.

Today was busy, we had so many prepping to do and poor Dr Elche was a headless chicken and so was Dr Adams. Getting the scans done and everything, just for certainty. We met for a few hours this morning to discuss everything for tomorrow and it just ran busy since then. Well, now you ask me, how could you all be kept busy with ONE patient?

Shauna's health demands CONSTANT attention, monitoring her vital signs, checking on her breathing, running scheduled check-ins, making sure she's comfortable, treating any kinds of pain we can, relooking her charts, its really a lot. And we have 13 doctors on board (all specialists in their fields) and 4 nurses to make sure she's okay at every hour. This is what these trials are about. If you don't know about what "clinical trials" mean, then here's a little run down for you:

Dr Elche is a specialist in oncology research, and in his research he has found a certain treatment option for "cases" such as Shauna's. Shauna is his first trial patient and thus far the treatments itself has helped her. Clinical trials are more like experiments, to see if these treatments really do work, Dr Elche believes that it does, the trick is to actually pin point how it could help. To see if we can push to the limit and possibly beyond. To determine effects, results and probability. I think that explains much of it. Now the trials Shauna is currently on demands that we give her constant attention in terms of her health, any sniff, pain, nausea, dizziness, anything pertaining to her health is recorded and reviewed constantly. This helps us to measure how she's doing. This helps us to determine whether its working or not and how to administer it.

(OMGosh! I just realised that I used words like "us" and "we", please note that I'm not a doctor, I'm a nurse, I use those words, probably because I feel so much part of the team that I just say it that way, they usually involve me in meetings and in discussions about Shauna's health)

Also, Shauna's still on the treatment for the trials, carefully monitored but still on it. Every recorded pain, nausea, well "sick" feeling Shauna has is recorded and investigated. Doctors investigate to make sure that what they are doing is not the cause to it.

With that thought, today was a busy day for last minute scans, talks, check-ins and making sure that Shauna is 100% okay. Whenever we "gear up" for surgery, I get weird and nervy, I never understand it. Its not a negative thing, its just a big deal for me. I'll get to assist in the surgery tomorrow, and Dr Elche will be overseeing the surgery, Dr Levine will perform the surgery tomorrow morning at 10:15, I will be up at 06:00 in the morning to do checks on Shauna and make sure that her vitals are noted. Dr Adams and Dr Elche will then be in to see her and make sure that she's okay for surgery, like a final clearance. And then I will move Shauna to the OR at 09:30.

I can't say how long it will be however Dr Elche has advised that he would let all the people know as soon as we are done. After the surgery I will move Shauna back to her room, and there I will be for that entire shift, thereafter I will be relieved and I will post something to give an update provided that there is much to give.

If you need an update, you could make contact with Shauna via her phone as you generally would, Shauna advised that I can respond to certain individuals should they need an update. So you can catch me on her email or BBM or Whatsapp or text, not sure if that's it but its what I usually do. Also, you're welcome to email me however know that I will only check my emails tomorrow evening, when I've finished the shift and get to my laptop.

Thanks for reading :-)


Saturday, 20 August 2011

A quiet Shauna = A sick Shauna

Shauna is generally very expressive with how she's doing, with the doctors and nurses that is. We may never know how she feels but when we see her she'd let us know of any odd pains and so on that makes things a bit easier for us. And for herself, she'll outright deny any pain medication and sometimes won't tell us the severity of her pain unless its serious. Often times, she's suffering while putting on that brave face.

She's also generally not quiet, and she's always sick. But I have learnt that when she's quiet its because she really isn't well. Today was one of those days.

Alex, her friend was here this morning and for the most of today. She left just after 3PM and she was the highlight to Shauna's day. They have such a beautiful friendship. Alex understands the severity of Shauna's situation and is willing to be there for Shauna even though half the time Shauna's uncomfortable about it. Shauna doesn't like visators much, she often feels that when they around her they have pity for her, and as if she's weak. Which is true. People often do not know how to deal with someone who has cancer so they tend to not know how to be around that person in a normal sense. Alex, on the other hand, can do that with Shauna.

Shauna got sick just after 1PM today and Alex, being a good friend, held her hair back while she threw up. I checked on Shauna for a bit and when I saw Alex sitting with her, I arranged for a check in. After Alex left, Shauna was really quiet, I ran by her room often and realised she hadn't been talking much to me. She put her phone on the table next to her and checked it every chance she could find herself getting but she just didn't feel like much, no comic books, no television, no playstation. She was just in bed and quiet. And by 7PM she was asleep. Up until now, she has been asleep. I was just in her room a second ago and there she was, still asleep.

Chest pump has been removed today, Dr Elche has confirmed that Shauna's infection has cleared up and for now she needs to focus on just resting. Surgery definitely to take place on Monday morning. Dr Elche has booked an operating room for 10:15. I will update you on the details tomorrow at some point, after we have all met.

Thank you for reading xoxoxo

Friday, 19 August 2011

its just her

Shauna's the type of person that you could take to any group of friends of any kind and you'll know that she will somehow manage to blow them all away. Seriously. I promised a few friends taking the same course as I did that I'd help them study for their exams. But the problem is, I'm staying at the hospital for the next two weeks, to be on stand by. I let them come around today and Shauna offered her assistance to help with the studying.

In total, we were 7 people. And for the entire time we were here, they just sat and listened to her. She has that kind of thing about her. It absorbs you to want to be there and take note. Hhhmmm maybe I should post their results when they get it ;-)

Hhmmm I think she'd make the perfect teacher. She would. An amazing role model, a good example, a respectable person, someone with a heart for the job.

Just for all your information: please take note that surgery will definitely take place on Monday morning. More info will come asap :-)

Thursday, 18 August 2011

another day

Crap! I just typed this entire thing and went out without saving! Oh well, I guess that wasn't meant to be...

So right now I'm sitting with Shauna. With her blood pressure that sky rocketed tonight and heart rate beyond its norm. But she's better now. Phew is all I can say. Okay, back to business...

So last night, Shauna got very sick. We sat with her for a bit. With her chest tightening like that we really don't like taking risks but the pump seems to be working well today. We really hoping the pump can be removed tomorrow or Saturday. We need Shauna's chest to clear up as soon as possible. Dr Elche is planning on proceeding with surgery Monday morning.

On a cuter note... :-) Shauna and Dr Elche got to spend some quality time today. He gave some of the doctors off for the day, the only running shift was tonight's... Hhhmmm he's whipped. At least that's what I think. When I got in on this shift, he and Shauna were sitting up and holding hands (thinking about it, I should have stolen a picture) and her head was on his shoulder... So cute. If I was straight... No comment.

Somehow I see it now, that shimmer of hope in her eyes. Like she doesn't care, because she believes that it will happen, that things will really be okay. I don't know how, and I certainly don't understand why, but its got me believing too. She' far to amazing a person to die. To me, if the world loses her, it loses hope. It loses a superhero.

Thanks Kelly

Wednesday, 17 August 2011

Hi all you readers. I'm so sorry for not updating the blog yesterday. We got a bit busy for a while and I was so exhausted last night that I just fell asleep. Also, thank you for the congratulations messages Shauna and Dr Elche told me about them.

Yesterday was a bit tough. We had the declotting procedure take place and it lasted longer than anticipated. Dr Elche then told us that the procedure wasn't much helpful and we'll have to prepare for surgery soon. Which is not really going to be great but he says that its needed. We have no idea when surgery will proceed but it will definitely be soon.

That's if for now, sorry I have something to attend to quickly.

Kells :-)

Monday, 15 August 2011

a little secret

You know, you could never know enough about someone unless you just observe and listen. Sometimes its the best that you could possibly do. I work with Shauna everyday. I spend at least 6 hours a day with her and still there are things that I didn't know. She hides things well, feelings, hurt, pain, anger, frustration. Its embedded in her to hide these things. I asked Shauna if I could post this onto the blog and she was okay with it, so here goes a little story that Shauna told me today:

This morning as I came running into the room excited about my certificate, I could sense a certain "quietness" about her. Her brother was there, at her bedside. Quiet too. Though I could see something was up, my excitement was still in the air and I had to just say thank you to her a billion times. Her brother left at that moment, and as he said goodbye to her, a tear dropped from her eye. I looked at her and asked what she was thinking about that could make her this sad? She turned and said to me -

"16 years ago, I was 6 years old. I remember waking up to hear my dad bag the front door and leaving, saying he had to go somewhere. I remember getting out of bed and running to my brother and asking him to let me lay there. It was normal for my parents to argue, I hated it but somehow my brother could shelter it. My mother got ready for work and at the time, Shandre' was 9 months old and she was so quiet all the time. After my mother took Shandre to her daymother, my brother and I got out of bed and went to school. It was an hour walk from where we lived but we'd leave early so that we could walk slowly. Halfway through our day at school the principal called for us from our class and my dad was there to pick me up and take me home, that day Shandre' died because of a lung infection that went bad. I remember every minute of that day freshly in my mind. It was about 4 years before Chante' was born but the memory of that day will never leave my mind. Since the year I matriculated I have gone to her grave at least once a month, finding comfort in the thought that I could update her on everything that happened in my life, telling her who I was. Since I've been in hospital, I haven't visited her once. And today I stand looking out of my window into the very hospital she died in"

It tore me, hearing those words. I memorised it and I think I left pieces out but I just had to post this. Its part of who Shauna is. I will never look outside her window the same way again.

thank you!

Thank you Doctor Elche & Shauna for an amazing report back! I just got my nursing clearance Certificate for "Exceptional Development" and for "Highest Based Nursecare" I cannot believe it! I'm certified awesomeness (that's what Shauna would say). So yes, I have my certification and I am so proud of it!

Shauna and Dr Elche, thank you so much. Its because of you guys that I have this certificate. I quote below comments from both Shauna and Dr Elche on their assessment of me:

Dr Elche: it is such a pleasure to work with Kelly, she's well organised and has great skill and potential within this area of care. Kelly has an exceptional personality and brings a positive energy to our environment. She has, on several occasions proven herself to be an excellent nurse and often participates in ventures beyond her call. This we appreciate and look forward to many further experiences. With this commendation for her certification, I also wish to confirm that with effect from 01 August 2011, Kelly has signed a future contact with our trials and sponsors as Head Nurse. We only wish for the best for her and trust that her career only develops further in this regard.

Shauna: Kelly is sweet, honest and firm - something I need around here. She always pushes to inspire and motivate rather than just working. She is professional and impressively considerate. She has a type of personality that keeps you comfortable and always respects boundaries. I love having her around and working with her is such a pleasure. She deserves good accreditation for her good work ethic too.

Thanks guys! I love you!

Kellsie :-)

Sunday, 14 August 2011

oxygen pumps and heart monitors

Those are the two things in the world that Shauna hates most. Oxygen pumps and Heart monitors. She hates it so badly that she's utterly frustrated when she's connected to either. And TODAY she was connected to both. The entire night last night Shauna suffered serious pains to her chest, she yelled at the pains. After a while, we gave her some morphine to ease it up a bit, she slept then woke with the shock of pains and went back to sleep. It was like this for hours last night. Luckily Dr Elche was around to monitor it, he generally is good with this kind of thing, crisis management. That's his specialty, when everyone panics he stays calm and professional and does his thing. The others prefer planned events, it just makes things simpler for them. Dr Adams is good with Crisis Management too, the problem with him is that he tends to try too hard to cheer her up. Not always a good thing to do.

So the best thing to do was keep the pump running, sometimes her chest would completely close and the pump helped her to open it up again. After the shuffle last night with Shauna, Dr Elche decided to put on the heart monitor too, just in case the clots get worse, we can at least monitor her heart rate and check up on when she's in a danger zone. She hates it. But she understands its for her own good.

For the most of today her chest wasn't that great, she has a lung infection and its getting worse, doctors are monitoring and taking care of the infection as quickly as they can. For the week she won't have any physio, she'll need to rest her body much. Hopefully she'll actually rest. The week will go as follows:

Monday - assess and evaluate potential tumor developing in colon, rerun scans to ascertain - first priority!
- check in on treatment levels and timing
- decrease medication intake to 6 hours and not 4
Tuesday - reevaluate d/l scan results
- declot session from 08:00 - 12:00
Wednesday - rerun tests session booked from 09:15 - 16:00
- report on phase two test sessions
- treatment: Laser
Thursday - declot procedure and re evaluation of current medication, possibly bring to norm
Friday - Check in and report back : finalise test data and send results though.

That's kinda what our week generally looks like, its not everything but I just remembered the important stuff

Thanks for reading :-) and thank you Dr Elche for posting to Twitter

Saturday, 13 August 2011

a love

Okay, so I am pretty much gay. That's just a truth and honestly I think lots of "straight" people are a bunch of hypocrites. Now I am not one of those "I'm so openly gay" people, I'm just happy. Me and my girlfriend, my girlfriend and I. I know she takes part in some rallies and is a firm believer in "gay pride" but I don't care, as long as we're happy together the rest couldn't possibly bother me.

So the point of this is, I know lots of people who are happy in their relationships and that's just for the first few weeks. And eventually that happiness fades. When Shauna and Dr Elche started dating the first time, I thought it was doomed. Even though most of the time we were hoping and betting and we knew eventually that they'd hook up. It was just inevitable. The occasional flirt, the glow on her face when he'd walk in, his smile when he spoke about her, the odd shy moments he would have when she asked him something other than what he does, the random stare they had. We just knew that somehow, one day it would happen. Then it did, we then though that it was destined for failure. Shauna broke the poor Dr Elche's heart the first time breaking up with him.

He was okay with her decision and understood what she felt, he just wasn't happy without her. And so was she, she was torn apart. When they got back together, somehow it was that they just didn't break up.

they are just so happy with each other, even though anyone with a logical mind would think that it could only end badly, they just are too perfect. Its good seeing them together. He's really professional when he needs to be and she respects it. When he's on shift she understands and respects his professional boundaries and he respects hers. Its really so nice being able to witness it myself. Because, I don't see that with so many people. And they just have this thing about them. Something that shows that what they have is forever. And like I said, I see people in relationships where the happiness fades, but with them, its pure and honest. They live in a terrible reality and at the same time they are each other's saviors. I forgot what love meant, up until I saw what they had.

such a beautiful thing. a beautiful kind of love.

Thanks for reading, I will post Shauna's schedule for next week sometime tomorrow. We've finalised it and discussed with her. Hopefully I can get to remember it well :-)

Love Kellz

Friday, 12 August 2011

a broken deal, a sad face

So today was D-Day for Shauna's deal. She held up her end of the deal, and held it up good. With that the doctors knew she would have been really down if she got bad news. Taking this into consideration, doctors discussed this endlessly. This morning we met together to discuss the matter. Yes, Shauna held her end of the deal but truth is, her health that concerns doctors. Though they cannot hold her down here, they strongly advised against her leaving.

They met with Shauna today and told her that according to their scans done some more "clots" were picked up. These are nasty little critters because they have a way of getting to you at the most unexpected moments.

They will be meeting with her in the morning to discuss an action plan to target these but for now, Shauna's quietly asleep. She went to sleep just a bit before 7 and she just could not speak to anyone. Seriously, she really asleep! I promise you.

That's it for now, some more maybe later or tomorrow.

Thanks for reading my little short message :)

a broken deal, a sad face

So today was D-Day for Shauna's deal. She held up her end of the deal, and held it up good. With that the doctors knew she would have been really down if she got bad news. Taking this into consideration, doctors discussed this endlessly. This morning we met together to discuss the matter. Yes, Shauna held her end of the deal but truth is, her health that concerns doctors. Though they cannot hold her down here, they strongly advised against her leaving.

They met with Shauna today and told her that according to their scans done some more "clots" were picked up. These are nasty little critters because they have a way of getting to you at the most unexpected moments.

They will be meeting with her in the morning to discuss an action plan to target these but for now, Shauna's quietly asleep. She went to sleep just a bit before 7 and she just could not speak to anyone. Seriously, she really asleep! I promise you.

That's it for now, some more maybe later or tomorrow.

Thanks for reading my little short message :)

Thursday, 11 August 2011

a bit of the past and a walk to the future

Sorry for not posting those quotes guys, these doctors are really good at avoiding. But I'll have them up soon.

Shauna is a really creative and imaginative person. She paints, she draws and she writes. But with her creativity she also has a very very intellectual side. Not many of you probably know this but Shauna graded top of her class at school every year, she even made it top of her grade for the country. With high scores in subjects like Mathematics, English and well all the others. A really impressive person. I wish I had her as a friend at school. Her friends from school told me that she used to tutor them, with that she took time out of her busy studying and managing her medication and taking care of her little sister to help students with subjects like Mathematics, Business Economics, Biology, Afrikaans, English, Accountancy and Physical Science - a subject she didn't even do at school and she learnt it herself to be able to help. She used her breaktimes at school and set up lessons after school.

When school finished, she sacrificed a scholarship to go work and help her family get by. Now that is amazing! After that she found herself very involved in community work, helping out where she could, with Dance, Music and Art as well. And then she found herself in a community project tutoring some less fortunate children. She taught (and would still be teaching) there. This says a lot about her, who she is and what she is made of. She cares for people, and mostly broken people. She'd rather help someone other than herself. That is amazing.

Since I've met her, Shauna has always spoken about her dream. What she really wants to be doing. She wants to build a school, not just an academic one, but a school for all kinds of children, from various different backgrounds and even the poor. When she speaks of this school, her face lights up and you see instant joy in her eyes. She talks about things in such detail that she can actually picture it happening. The classes, the hostel for the kids, the education system, building college funds, community service, art, music, dance, sports and the list goes on. I really hope it happens for her some day. I'd like to help her make it a reality, wouldn't you?

That's it from me, more coming soon and thank you for reading.

Wednesday, 10 August 2011

1 year of the good and of the bad

So, its official. Its a year, a year since Shauna confirmed her contract with the trials. And today was all about remembering her, it was all about Shauna. The day started with some tests which Shauna was NOT enthusiastic about, much was due to her being tired. She sat up for most of the night. It was a restless night for her, she spent most of the night with nausea keeping her up all night and also the occasional meds being taken between. After her tests, Shauna was completely exhausted. On our way back with her, I still recall talking to her whilst walking with her wheelchair, as we entered into the room, I realised that she had not said one word! I looked down and she was asleep in her wheelchair. When we got her into bed, she slept all along. With the odd fever and nausea waking her up. Even the fact that her sponsors were here just hardly mattered to her. We cancelled her physio today and even though her physio was cancelled, Dan came around to join in our "little celebration". After she woke up from a really needed rest, she woke up to a room full of people patiently waiting for her to wake up to talk to her.

At first I wondered to myself, how does one approach this "anniversary"? Do you say "congratulations"? For what exactly? Holding out a year, and getting worse than before? But then I got in and Dr Elche was standing there. And I asked him, "how do you approach this? What do I say to her seeing that its been a year?" And his words were simple "say thanks for being part of our lives." I realised then that you really can't put any value to the time that she's given any of us. Really, its impossible. She's willingly sacrificing herself to save someone's life, like its her responsibility, like its her duty. Even though it isn't really. That's called being brave. Shauna's been put through a mountain of things and at any point could have lost her faith, lost her ground, lost her hope and she didn't. Not once did she give into any of those negative thoughts and that is truely a reason to celebrate.

And why Dr Elche says thank you? Its because of her, just her. She's been a part of our lives one way or another for a year and she makes everyday worth it.

So thank you Shauna, thank you for being in my life, changing the way I think, making me better.

Just thank you.

Ps. I'll post some thank you messages from the others later.

Tuesday, 9 August 2011

1 year ago

Goodness, another follower! This is amazing! Thank you.

Its so funny how knowing Shauna impacts on your "personal life" being your life outside being around Shauna. She just somehow always manages to stay in your thoughts and on your mind and if she's not there is always that simple reminder of her. Its always something small that just makes you remember. Here's a good example:

This morning before my shift, my girlfriend and I went to do our general shopping seeing as its a public holiday and the malls may just be empty that time. Shauna, I know, hates going shopping. I suppose the idea of aimless walking in a mall just isn't her thing, neither is it mine. However, my girlfriend has this need to shop constantly. As we walk down the lanes we usually skip the section for children's toys, which is logical. However, this morning I just decided to continue without realising we were in the toys section, which would have been heaven for Shauna. Really. Looking at each toy on the rack, it suddenly made me think of her. It bothered my girlfriend how excited I got looking at all these toys: cars, planes, helicopters, trucks, tractors, puzzles, books, balls, the various action figurines, transformers toys. It was just so cool! I took some pictures and sent them to Dr Elche, I made him promise that after I post the blog he puts it on to twitter, I am in denial of the fact that I really have no clue how to upload pictures here :-) it was really great to just feel the excitement she has when she sees it.

I just had to share that.

Getting back to the actual point, today we done the declotting procedure as planned. Well, not me, but I was told that it ran quite smoothly. Shauna is quite sick and has suffered nausea for most of the day. Hopefully it wears off soon enough. In the morning, we will do some tests, and I'll be on the early shift. I'll let you all know how she's doing then.

Something also hit me today. Tomorrow marks our one year anniversary. One year since I've known her. Yes, ONE WHOLE YEAR! For the team this is a big thing. Its a really important anniversary. a year ago today I was a student. I was going throug Shauna's case. My fellow student friends were honestly annoying back then, they would go on and on and on about this assignment. Why I would choose this assignment opposed to general hospital care. I hated them for it. I have no clue why I chose this myself, but there's not a day that goes by that I regret it. I was wondering through Shauna's file and I remember thinking to myself that it will take a few months and its a clinical trial which means that she probably won't make it very far. Clearly I didn't know her.

The thing is, the way I see it, its been a year that she has been through all of this and to be far worse off than before. Now let's clear the air here, these trials are not the cause of the leukemia, doctors knew it would happen. It was fact to them. However, she has been through so much, and there were days when I felt like she could have just given in, because of the pain she experiences and the frustrations she has and being sick all the time. Its a lot for one person to go through, and its harder for us to watch. But she's strong and so are we. She's gotten this far, I know she can get further.

Thanks for reading.

Monday, 8 August 2011

a hard decision

ANOTHER FOLLOWER? Wow! Thank you. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this blog thing. I like it! I really do, talking about someone like Shauna is just so cool. And some people don't understand how amazing she is, like my family or girlfriend, they don't understand how amazing she is and get frustrated when I talk about her, at least here I have some things to say to people who, I think, understands :-) thanks

So today test results came back. It wasn't good, not at all but it was news. We met before giving Shauna the news and discussed it. I could see the disappointment on Dr Elche's face, but he held himself together. And pulled to the right words, as we were walking down the hall, I felt this need to prepare myself for some sort of reaction for Shauna. I never need to, she always takes news well and holds herself together, but I just felt it. As we turned into Shauna's room. She looked to us, and a tear dropped down her face. I've never, not once, seen this. She just couldn't hold her words anymore. We all knew that whenever we gave her news she put on a brave face, her positive words were honest and true, but that brave face was our convincing ticket. Eventually Dr Elche went to her, I think he realised the shock on our faces, we just couldn't move. None of us, its like we didn't know how to handle the situation. It sounds incredibly unprofessional, but please understand that we have NEVER experienced this with her. Not once.

When Dr Elche asked if she was okay, she simply replied "I'm so sorry, I just can't. I really can't. I can't handle any news, good or bad." We had no clue what to do, and I think that I was more blown away than the others. She continued "I've been thinking about this for a while. But this is my confirmation. I can't handle any more news, good or bad. My fight still stands, I am going to keep this fight whether I feel like things are getting worse or not. Its just too much for me" we spoke with her for a while after this. And the doctors respect her request. Its been now agreed that no more news, good or bad will be given to her. This is what she wants, and I know that some of you may have your doubts about this decision but its he choice, and I think its a brave one to make.

Don't get me wrong, we will assess the importance of this, especially Dr Elche, however should the need to give her this information arise, Shauna will be informed. At this stage, she does not want any confirmation whatsoever.

Further to that, the test results revealed that Shauna has another clot, we'll be assessing this one and doctors will perform a "declotting" procedure tomorrow morning and run tests again. These clots are dangerous and we will have to carefully monitor them as chances of more coming back are always high enough for concern.

Thank you all again for reading this blog. Its dedicated to a true hero. Someone who dedicates her life, not to herself but to others. And that makes her a hero.

Sunday, 7 August 2011

welcome back Dr Elche

So today, the good Dr Elche and Dr Adams returned to base. Good having you guys here :-)

Shauna's face had an instant glow when she could see him. Dr Elche's cold has cleared and chest is good again. To be certain, he done some checks to make sure he was clear of the virus and he's good.

Also, today we had a visit from little Tyler. Now let me tell you a bit about Tyler, he's 10 years old and has several tumors, one that's inoperable. Thus, they are treating him daily. He is at the hospital we were at before, two wards down from where Shauna's room was. This was in their Children's Unit. Shauna spent a lot of time there with the children. But mostly with Tyler. He was somewhat closest to her heart.

Now let's talk a bit about the children. Children, in general, have a special place in Shauna's heart. She loves spending time with them especially the one's experiencing some hard times and the ones suffering. We always said she would have worked well as a pediatrician. Each Saturday or any given day the opportunity arose, Shauna would visit these kids and spend some time with them, she would read about Superheroes only, no fairy tales or stories, she'd tell them about superheroes that saves earth. Gifted people, dedicating their lives to keep people safe. In most she'd talk about the Justice League and the Justice Society. She even created name plates for each of the children and put it on their beds with their hero names. Tyler, was Green Lantern. She said she called him Green Lantern because of his dream to be an astronaut one day. And she often brought books about the planets and outer space and so on. She attached herself to him.

Today, he visited with his foster mother, Andreia, who was so grateful towards Shauna for always being there for Tyler. He sat with Shauna for a bit and had to leave after a few minutes. Shauna was so happy to see Tyler.

I know one day he'll be in outer space and he'd be thankful to the girl who helped him through.

Saturday, 6 August 2011

chasing a dream

Shauna is someone who simply enjoys life, its the only way I can honestly describe her. As a fighter, her will is strong. That make's her the person she is. But the smallest things are the things that keeps her going. Simple things gives her joy and material things means nothing much to her. She's the type of person that would rather talk to a homeless person than to someone who has enough money to buy a homeless person a house.

Its just who she is, and she has her flaws too like us all; she's stubborn, doesn't care enough for herself, she hardly concerns herself with her well-being, she hides her true feelings and doesn't talk about what's on her mind. That's just how she is.

Thing is, she likes doing things that has a meaning, that adds value and makes someone smile. She doesn't fight because its expected of her, she fights because she values her life and she wants it to mean something. Its what makes her such a wonderful person to be around. She has dreams of her own, and I don't think I can share that, but in her dreams you can see much of the person she is. Its part of her and there is no day that goes by without Shauna taking a step closer to reaching that dream. I see it every day, and I am honored for it.

This was a short one, but it all had to be said :-)

Friday, 5 August 2011


Those words rang through the hallways of the hospital this afternoon. We were in the kitchen, and as Dr Levine was making coffee I was whipping a mean smoothie to reward Shauna for finishing her food. While busy I hear the yells, "Kelly! Kellz! KELLYYYYYY!" And then as I ran down to Shauna's room I nearly died when I saw her smile.

The detective was there, with her confirmation that Home Affairs had finally fixed her Identity status. According to the detective, two people were arrested in connection with the case. The detective couldn't laugh enough with her about all this, he had issued her with a letter that could be taken to the bank for clearance and confirmation that the case had been solved. Shauna couldn't stop laughing at the discrepancies on the documentation however she's happy that her "death" status had been removed. I can sniff that joy a mile away.

And biggest issue in all of this was she just needed to go pay those kids school fees, it was the only thing bothering her. She's so glad she can finally contact the schools to make the arrangements to pay the fees. Like I said, she's a superhero. And one way or another, she's saving the world.

As for today, she's been doing quite well. She's really going all out to prove herself to go on this trip. I'm way proud of her.

I need to get out now... Thanks for reading.


Thursday, 4 August 2011

"who's the doctor here?"

Of any of the patients I have ever dealt with or will deal with, I don't think that there will ever be someone like Shauna. She's so rare, even her blood type is, no really, it really is. She's the kind of person that would drive you to the brink of insanity and bring you right back to normality at the same time and with that, give you a good laugh. Being a nurse or doctor, you come across many horrible and scary things, your job as a doctor is to face it head on, your job as a nurse is to make it comfortable and turn a blind eye to the horror of the situation. Many people don't make this easy, especially with us nurses. For doctors its easier to shut themselves down, that's how they've trained themselves, you all know the saying: if you afraid of blood you can't be a doctor? Yes, that's part of it. For us nurses, we're trained to care, to be there for the patient and to be there for your patient, no matter what take care of them, walk with them, talk to them, make them comfortable, help them out of bed and the list goes on. Thing is, you cannot care without feeling something, at least I can't. I get attached, which is what my lecturer always told me. He would tell me that getting attached is wrong because you would never know how long it is till the person is gone. My theory goes: Make an impact where it counts. That's just me. Well, Shauna taught me that about myself. I just love how she changed your mind from "normal everyday human being" to "I need to save the world superhero".

My point to all of this is that with Shauna its all easy going. I don't know what it is about her that makes anyone just want to be there, maybe its how positive she is, or maybe its her personality, or maybe she absorbs you, or maybe you absorb her. But she's easy and amazing. And she just keeps us there, and she keeps us motivated. Yes she does, I tell you if at any given day you feel down or look that way or you're exhausted she'll give you one of her pumped speeches that will get you bounced back. Yes, that's Shauna. We wanted to do some kind of team bonding experience some while ago. And everyone's ideas were put together and it sucked. We were limited to what we wanted to do because we needed to do something with her and it was impossible to come up with something exciting. And the best idea we came up with was to have a puzzle afternoon with tea. YES! TEA! Who on this planet drinks TEA?! If it was coffee it would have been more appealing, but TEA?

When we approached Shauna about it, she refused! She said that this was the dumbest idea on the planet. Her words were "we have an entire wing on this clinic to ourselves and you want to drink TEA?" And Dr Elche opened it up to her, needless to say our team bonding ended up to be so much better. We had a wheelchair race, played Hide and Seek, ate junk food and all stayed awake in Shauna's room the entire night. That's her, bursting with ideas and carrying so much information.

Today, Dr Adams was talking to her. She turned the entire conversation without him realising. After Shauna had delivered her own diagnosis, he walked away and immediately said, "wait a minute!" And she said "don't you have a job to do" he walked down the hallway and ran back, "Shauna! I can't believe I just listened to you telling me this! Who's the doctor here?!" That's my special moment for the day. $
Thanks again for reading :-)

Wednesday, 3 August 2011

The Mission and The Deal

So, upon my arrival today at the hospital. I saw a really conflicted Shauna. I sat with her to learn that she had not slept at all. Aside from her telling me all the things on her mind, Shauna mentioned a deal she made with Dr Adams and Dr Elche.

For the record, Shauna's just finished her treatment and is resting for a bit. No she's not sleeping, just relaxing herself.

Since her father was here, Shauna's been talking non stop about wanting to see the snow on The Outeniqua Mountain in George. She said that its the closest thing to running in the snow she'll ever get. Her father lives in George and she wants to go with her best friend Alex to go see the snow on this mountain. She's been going on and on and driving poor Dr Adams insane this entire week. For this Shauna decided to cut a deal today. Since August is the last month of winter and September brings spring. Shauna then said, if things go well in the next two weeks, she wants to go. She's promised to eat her food regularly, to cooperate, not take wheelchairs down the hall, not to go to the children's hospital, not to push herself too hard in physio and to get the appropriate rest she needs for strength. Now, you must be thinking, 'why on Earth would they agree to this?' Well Shauna needs her break. She's been stuck here and has not been allowed much out.

Let's see how the week goes, and I'll keep you all posted, I'm crossing fingers :-)

a shift ended

Wow! My shift just finished. Its 12AM and I'm sleepy, very sleepy. Shauna's awake too. She couldn't sleep so she's up reading some comic books and listening to some music. At least that was when I left, which is now.

I've been at the hospital since 6 yesterday morning which makes my total time there 18 hours? Weird, I'm not tired at all. And the time spent there was worth it. And from today, I'm back to my "normal" shift times. I remembered earlier that I hadn't posted the doctors shifts as well as the nurse shifts. This I will do later, once I've had some sleep and made a good smoothie :-) I tend to avoid coffee.

When sitting with Shauna earlier I realised something about her, when she speaks about things, she always speaks about the good, you can shove the bad in her face. She'll still find the good. Its weird. Like earlier, my girlfriend had called me while I was working, I texted her to let her know that I am working and I'd call her later, she was upset. No! She was furious. She always texts me at bad times, and I can't always respond time her at work or answer her calls especially if I'm on the floor (being around Shauna). Its not that Shauna has a problem with it, its just the "professional" thing, right? Apparently not! When I eventually called her, she flipped out, yelling at me. I think Shauna caught on when I got back to the room. When I told her this, Shauna listened and didn't tell me, "oh that sucks" or "she shouldn't have been so annoying" instead, Shauna reasoned with me, explaining why my girlfriend would freak out. Which was RIGHT! It was because I've been spending lots of time at the hospital, I think since Dr Elche has confirmed my full contract, I've been pushing harder and spending more time on focusing on Shauna's well-being. I admit, I was annoyed with Terry (my girlfriend) but I think after Shauna spoke to me, it made so much more sense. I called Terry back and tried apologizing and Terry flipped AGAIN! I was more furious than her for not understanding, again Shauna and I spoke, and Shauna just again, made me feel less angry. I'm on my way home now to make it up to Terry, I hope she's not too angry with me.

Thanks for reading all this... You're wonderful :-)

Tuesday, 2 August 2011


Thanks new follower :-) and welcome.

So today's song since Shauna got out of bed this morning has been Attack. Its a song by a band called Thirty Seconds To Mars. And Shauna is part of their fanbase named the Echelon. At first I didn't understand because she would say that they're family and I used to just go with it. I had the attitude that just said "whatever works for you" and then it became a thing I heard ALL day and everyday. Secretly I bought the album, and started listening to the music. I think I got the whole love for their music, but then "family"? I mean, really? Who calls strangers "family"? This makes absolutely no sense to me. Then Shauna got really sick and had been in a bad state, this was before leukemia was confirmed. At this point I realised why Shauna called them family. Goodness, I was overwhelmed with emails and messages for her. It drove me insane. Not just from them, the emails were from various people. But their messages for her were so intense. I got the point to it. I realised why she called them family, and with each message from them was no "shame" or "I'm so sorry" or "poor thing" or "life sucks anyway" it was pure and positive. I guess that's why she'd tell me to skip through all the other emails for just their messages. It was something that kept on giving her hope and till today, that hope still holds. It makes me smile knowing that she has people like this in her life.

The song "Attack" usually means "WAR" for us here. When this is Shauna's preferred choice for the day, we usually don't know what to expect. I think that is Dr Elche's fault. He drilled his fear of that song in us. As the day progressed we realised that the intention of the song was preparation, for treatments. Sometimes Shauna just needs a pump up for treatments. I've been at the hospital since 06:00 this morning. I'm hitting through two shifts, so there might just be a second update on the blog :)

Right now, I'm sitting with our oh so amazing Superhero in her treatment making sure she's okay, and she's held up good, besides the odd nausea. Which I'm jumping up and down for, another hour and she'll be done. Then my night starts.

As far as her test results goes, YES we have them. Still scary, however getting there. Her bloodwork reveals much to question. This is being looked into by Dr Elche and Dr Adams. Overall tests, still reveals the same as the others: not good or not good enough. With Shauna's case its confusing, at one point her tests results shows improvement and then it all goes downhill. I have no way to explain this. Really, I don't. With Dr Elche being home with all this information, he's currently relooking all the tests and the actions around these results being what caused it.

Yet she believes.

Okay, I need to leave now. Superman's calling. Another update coming later.

Oh sorry, had to edit... If this does not make sense, please understand that I really wasn't 100% focusing. Comment if I just made no sense at all and I will clarify :-)

Monday, 1 August 2011

another day, right here

WOW I have 2 followers on this blog... Thank you :-)

We had a quiet day, for most of the day Dr Adams was home with Dr Elche discussing some of the test results that have returned. Though Shauna had some physio again, which did not agree with her. Anyone could tell she really didn't have the strength for it, however she pulled through and she's making good progress on the results.

Her nausea, however, has acted up again last night and today and we'll be monitoring this over the next few days, considering her treatment is scheduled for tomorrow. And with this we may need to be careful. Since the transplant, Shauna's immune system has flared up and down. We don't want to push her too far if she's not able to cope with it, not that she'll say. Its actually scary knowing all that's happening to her, I think I would have crashed long ago, not because of the fact that she has cancer or leukemia, but its watching what she experiences. When she wakes up in the middle of the night with a string of pain that she can't cope with so she wakes with a scream. A scream that roars across the hallways. THAT scares me. I instantly wake up and run to her, just to be at her side and to help ease things.

I don't mean to scare you reading this blog, but that's the reality. I can't remember a night where Shauna slept peacefully. Night shifts are usually the hardest around here, and I think that's why Dr Elche prefers to be at her side while she suffers this trauma, he usually has an idea of what to do. For us, it rings PANIC, trust the good doctor to know what to do in times like these.

She's an amazing person to be around though, spend enough time around her and she'll convince you that superheroes exist, that music can save you, that its not that bad an idea to "turn the other cheek", that the world aint that much of a bad place, that people are good, that things can go right if you believe in it and that you are amazing even though you see darkness in yourself. Yes, that's what time with her is like, that's what we get to experience.

Its all just another day, right here, where we need to be.