hello

Hey all you readers, so sorry for not being this consistent with the blog, so many things happening at the same time.

We managed to do Shauna's treatments this morning and later this afternoon she had some physio with Dan who says that she is improving, but pushes herself too hard, BAD SHAUNA! Dr Elche called an emergency meeting yesterday to discuss some "urgent matters". I nearly had a heart attack! We spoke of many issues, one of which shocked the life out of me! Dr Salie, Dr Eltoe and Dr Mbekela have all resigned from this program, and not for any negative reasons. Dr Salie has been offered a position with the WHO, Dr Eltoe has decided to start his own practice and Dr Mbekela has been offered something a bit closer to home in Johannesburg. Guys, I wish you all well and I know you read this blog every so often. Know that we'll miss your presence.

Dr Elche said that he'll sit with me through the more admin side of what I'm required to do... I love my new job! Head nurse! Yeah! I rock! And he's set me up with the necessary equipment (laptop, office, the whole 20 yards)! Thanks Dr E ;-) and he has also said that we may need to consider employment of an additional nurse crew, possibly within the hospital. This he'll chat to me about.

Another topic was Shauna's latest test results which did not prove to be that great, the treatments seems to be helping her but her body is so weak and tired of all this that its not necessarily working at hand with the treatment plans. Dr Elche and Dr Adams are busy reviewing and investigating various options and have suggested something to Shauna to consider. Once Shauna has made a final decision about this, I will post some information.

Other than her test results, she's doing fine for now. She's been trying to keep her sleep patterns in order and is getting better, she just needs to take things a bit slow and understand that she's not as strong as she used to be. Some superheroes never learn.

That's all for now, thanks for reading.

Kelly

UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!

Woah! I have too much to say right now! Gee! So many things happened since friday and I can't list them all!!! But let me just say that Shauna's brother can put together one KICKASS party! WOW! What a fun night we had!!!!

Okay let's start this all off:

Friday, some good news hit us. During Shauna's physio Dan noticed something strange, Shauna was able to move her foot! Yes! Her left foot! She could move it around like left, right, etc. Just the foot and not her leg yet. That's REALLY an improvement in physio and Dan is so proud of her. It may not seem to be a big deal to you, but I swear for someone who's wheelchair bound its amazing and Dan believes that she may be able to walk soon. We hope. But this is great news. Seems like pushing it managed to work. And of course this crazy one still attempts jumping out of the bed and tries to get out of her wheelchair but no... She can fall so many times but she'll keep trying! Failure does not seem to be an option here.

And then for those of you who took part in our leukemia awareness program on Friday, THANK YOU all so much. It wasn't just about Shauna, its about the many others out there too, those who've lost loved ones and those who are struggling. Shauna showed me some pictures sent to her. Its beautiful seeing people take part in something like this. As Team Shauna here, we gathered some of the doctors around the hospital to meet in Shauna's room. What was really beautiful was seeing so many of the staff around the hospital wearing their orange ribbons in support for Shauna and popping in on occasion to let her know that she is in their thoughts and prayers. The service itself was a success from what her mother said. The church hall was full of family and friends of Shauna as well as the church youth group, their young adults group and senior members in the church, with some others who felt the need to share their stories in testimony. They lit a candle for Shauna at the church to burn at every service or gathering in support of our superhero. And of course everyone who attended wore an orange shirt. At the service the church put together a book filled with messages for Shauna and this was handed to her yesterday. So beautiful. Shauna also said that her emails got clogged up with supportive thoughts and inspirational and motivational emails to help her through this. Thank you, is all I can say not on her behalf alone, but behalf of our team. Its good to know that we too have a purpose here.

Well, here's where our superhero proves herself. The hospital Shauna is admitted in is on a mainroad that connects two very busy areas in Cape Town, and this road is busy day and night. Shauna's room is on the first floor at the front entrance to the hospital, its right opposite the first nurse station. And on Friday night, what seemed to be a drunken dispute between 2 men turned to a gang fight. We still have had no explanation to this, Shauna and I were in her room and heard these two men arguing and with them were two others and 3 women. Its somewhat normal for drunkards to start an argument around here and the front security guard moved to break the fight up. When he moved out of the gate, Shauna noticed quite a few people rushing toward the fight it seemed like quite a lot. Shauna moved her wheelchair closer to the window and yelled at the guard but he didn't hear her and got caught between the fight. He got stabbed in his right shoulder and the second front guard managed to pull him to safety. However, things got insane. The fight grew bigger and somehow managed to filter to the front lot of the hospital. 3 or the nurses finishing their shift also got caught between the ruffle and was rushed in by medics. And as the fight got out of hand, Shauna made contact with the police who couldn't get here quick enough and called the inspector who helped her out with the home affairs case. The police were there within 2 minutes and Shauna managed to wheel her wheelchair to the front entrance to help an elderly woman who was afraid for her life. She brought the woman inside and made clear the front entrance for medics to load patients. I don't know HOW on earth she managed all this. And Dr Elche immediately voiced his concerns about security again with the hospital director! Explaining the risks involved. But the fact that Shauna instinctively moved like that to help someone else and make way was just amazing. When the medics were loading some of the people, Shauna asked some of the nurses to bring towels and blankets to helps them. Then she moved to get water and tissues. Like I said! A superhero at heart!

Saturday morning Shauna's brother said that he was having a party and made an arrangement with the doctors board to have her there. Just so that you all know, in South Africa, Saturday was Heritage Day and its a day for us all to be proud of. Its a celebration of our diverse cultures and specially our individuality. So he smashed together a party for Saturday night and MY MY MY it was EPIC! He invited myself, partner and Dr Elche too. And we got on our feet the minute we got there. And of course our strong willed and stubborn hero refused to use a wheelchair and insisted on crutches for the night. After the party Shauna went home with the good Dr Elche... I wonder...

So that's it from me for now, well about our eventful two days. Shauna's back at the hospital with now beefed up security and on dial police service and new adventures. She's doing okay, physio today was good but treatment took its toll. And asleep she is now, hopefully a full night tonight.

Thanks for the read, more information about Shauna's procedure on Thursday will come as soon as I get the go-ahead.

Kelly

pillows of thoughts

Being here, being in this isn't easy. Its such a hard task, fighting a battle in faith that you'll win but deep down inside you know that there is this practical chance of you not making it. The biggest battle is fighting that thought, because if you let your guard down for one little second it will eat you! That's doubt, it takes away every bit of fighting faith you have and you got to fight it harder than fighting this disease itself.

But believing! Believing is the key, you got to believe! Believe in your doctors, believe in their oath, believe in your friends and family, believe in their strength, believe in your dreams, believe in its hope for tomorrow, believe in yourself, believe in the power you have. Its all about believing. If you keep that, you'll be guaranteed you have your strength. Believing won't magically take away your cancer, won't take away your endless days and nights in pain, it won't stop you from throwing up all the time, but believing helps. It gives you something to fight for. it clears your head.

I should have died 8 years ago, I didn't, that's what gives me hope. I didn't because my purpose was bigger and that's what I believe. So you, that's reading this.. Yes, YOU! You have a purpose too, and you have to hold on to it, nourish it, treat it, respect it and believe in it. That's how you get through everyday, you believe in it.

- that was the email I promised! She titles all these emails pillow talk. Its quite beautiful if you read them more often and what's nice is these associations send it across to their mailing list such as families, patients, survivors, and the list goes on. Maybe I should post more of it here? To keep you all more inspired by her? Well not that you need it from what I hear! I am off again to sort out some things at home and back in the morning with a fresh smoothie.

Thanks for reading :-)

Kelly

a gift

The hardest thing I will ever have to do is get a gift for someone. Does anyone out there feel the same? Its such a problematic thing. Some people just aren't made to get people gifts, I'm just the type of person who will give anyone just a shopping voucher, its the first thing I think of when someone's birthday comes up or something. And when it comes to Christmas or my partner's birthday, I tend to take her a few weeks before to a shopping center and see what she wants. And then I'll secretly buy it and she'll be happy, but I hate getting other people things. Its my thought for the day, only beccause its my partner's mother's birthday. SUCKS!

Well back to our lovely sweetheart. Shauna is doing okay, considering all her throwing up today. She's not felt too great but she's trying her best to piece herself through. Also, today she decided to send her email to various associations supporting her. There are quite a few cancer organizations supporting cancer patients and Shauna's on the support list with many of them. She sends them feedback on how she's doing when she gets the chance and also she sends some messages and poems and inspiring thoughts for them to send around to others in support as well. Perhaps in the morning, I'll include it on this blog as an update? We'll see...

Dr Adams has been in here quite often today to check on his favorite superhero. And he said that he'd be doing more regular checks. We'll be all meeting together on Friday afternoon to discuss somethings. And it seems like Dr Elche has received the go ahead for the trials to run with more patients. We're going to see how it works out, hopefully things work out better with Shauna. This was just a quick pop in, sorry guys I have been so busy with new things that are just driving me crazy. Dr Elche and I will meet later, yes later, that is only if Shauna manages to sleep the entire night without getting sick to discuss all our things.

For now, I need some sleep :-) thanks for reading

Kellz :)

awareness

Hello all

So today, Dr Elche had to be the bearer of bad news. Shauna now has stage 4 cancer. She has given consent for me to post this blog with all the information in it.

Stage four leukemia is a challenge for all doctors involved. Right now, Shauna's body is unable to cope with any further stress we may put it under, thus for now, we will only be continuing treatments and daily physio. We'll take no further action unless the immediate circumstance gives way for any other surgical procedure. Right now, we all just hope. - Dr Adams (I begged to quote him on the blog).

Well, Shauna's mind hasn't changed much after Dr Elche gave her this bad bundle of crap news. She's still in the fight and we're all supporting her. For now, Dr Elche has amended the shifts for the next few weeks. And we'll be taking things carefully around here. Being at her side and taking constant notes (as if we don't do that enough already). For those of you who are confused about how to react, how to be around her, how to approach things. Don't be, just be yourselves. Be there for her, comfort her, distract her sometimes, let her know you're there, talk to her, give her a reason for hope, inspire her, motivate her, make her smile, make her laugh, let her feel loved, care for her, just don't avoid her! She's still very much the same person. Respect her for her decision to keep on fighting, its a brave choice. Also, don't be afraid to ask her things about her situation and Dr Elche has said if you have any questions or concerns, you are most welcome to let him know and he will assist you as far as possible.

On another note, a local church, one that Shauna played in the band for will be having a special prayer service for Shauna and many other patients suffering from cancer on Friday. I know some of you are all far out and many of Shauna's friends are, but I appeal to you all to take part. And this is how:

The service will be a candle lit one, remembering those who have passed on and this will happen at 20:00 our time (Harare +2) and I have no idea of how it will work around the world, please forgive me. But never the less, if you manage to figure it out please at 8PM (our time) light a candle and have just a moment of silence for Shauna and those around the world fighting this fight. Doctors, nurses, patients, those who have lost their lives, those who have lost family and friends and then in a united fight against cancer. It sounds extremely corny, but I'm serious when I say it makes a difference.

Also, we're asking those who are attending the service to wear an orange garment in support and thought of Shauna. Orange is the ribbon colour for leukemia, so we're appealing to as many people as possible to wear an orange garment on friday.

I'm appealing that you try to get as many involved as you can. To show their support for Shauna. She needs it now more than ever.

She unfortunately won't be able to attend the service, however we'll all be here with her as her family goes to church on Friday.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask myself, Shauna or Dr Elche.

Thank you so much for reading.

Kelly :-)

does it say much of me?...

Here's a little poem written by Shauna to start us all off:

Does it say much of me when I smile
Does it say much of me when I weep
Does it say much of me when I wait a while
Does it say much of me when I am weak

Does it say much of me when I break
Does it say much of me when I care
Does it say much of me when I take
Does it say much of me when I dare

Does it say much of me
When the world tears down
And all my walls are crumbling
And my smile turns to a frown

Does it say much of me
When the hero inside falls away
And submits for the human to see
The truth I am, the truth to stay

For all I am is not much of me
I steer the world unmasked and free
I hold my head, my pride, my strength
Till the day, on that day when I meet my death.

So the actual poem is really long, 2 pages in fact. Its Shauna trying to find herself. Not many of you may know this but we do have an external service that provides some support and helps Shauna get "coping skills" for all she's being put through. No, its not a therapist - just so you all understand. And her name is Diana. Diana asked Shauna to put together somehow a way of her showing her feelings about her memories and her being through the trauma. She wrote this. Its her expression and I asked if I could put bits of it on the blog, if you want the entire thing, I'll post it here or Shauna can email you. Comment on the blog or ask her for it...

She's much better today, or at least since this afternoon. Maybe the Kryptonite's starting to finally wear off? Who knows. And yesterday, she had such an inspiring visit from Tyler who has his final chemo tomorrow. Another survivor against cancer! Something to definitely celebrate! Even if its just one, that one can make a difference to many.

We'll be continuing with treatments for the week and physio too. Monday we'll do some tests on her. And I will post those results when I get them probably Thursday or Friday. And I do have some feedback from Dr Elche and Dr Adams to post, I just don't think I should do that now. I need to run off but next update will have all that info

Thanks for reading
Kelly

changing your perspective

Well, sometimes I feel like the world is happening all around me. Don't you ever feel that way? Like there's just so many things happening and you're not a part of it. Sometimes I'm happy about it, sometimes I'm reflective and sometimes I'm just too bothered to even care. Its just so frustrating. And confusing.

Shauna's motivational talk was postponed today, doctors advised against it and Shauna was in agreement. She said that she doesn't feel much ready to be "out there" yet and is a bit too weak for it to happen. We had some sessions with her which drained her a bit and she had a bit of a sleepless night last night. One minute she was asleep and the next awake, seemed a bit troubled but we didn't push for her to talk, she needs to be able to clarify things herself and if she needs she'll talk.

Also, Shauna had a visator today. Linda, an old friend from primary school. She seemed a bit troubled and told Shauna that her father was diagnosed with colon cancer, and it was at stage four. I think she just needed to try and speak to someone who will be able to answer her honestly. And at the end of their conversation, Linda asked Shauna how she manages to smile and keep her defenses up. Shauna said this (and yes, I wrote it down):

"A smile hides so many things, is deceiving. And the owner of the smile knows that if you look convincing enough people will buy it. Thing is, I don't fake smile. That's just me, I'm an optimist I think I am. Honestly think if I wasn't smiling what difference would that make to my situation? It makes my life so much easier smiling, and why its an honest smile, is because I hope and dream. I know that there are strong chances of me probably dying soon or something like that, and I'm willing to believe that I can change that. If I didn't I wouldn't be much of a hero. You see, if you stand in front of a mirror telling yourself that you're not beautiful long enough, it will happen, you'll feel less worthy and useless and just not beautiful. But if you positively and honestly believe in yourself and walk to your mirror and be positive and say something good about yourself you can change your entire perspective of who you are.

The same goes for my situation. I'm not prepared to give in just because doctors believe I'm fighting a losing battle. I can't, so I smile and tell myself that I can do this. You need to always remember that we're all born with an inner strength that we can use, some call it willpower, some call it persistence, some call it gut and I just call it power. Its in you and your dad. And that's what you use to fight. You don't need a better doctor or a better treatment or to be physically strong, you just need something to believe in. What keeps me going is that there's always another step further you can take. There will always be someone who is willing to take another step further, that's willing to fight harder and if they can do it, so can you.

Think of it like this, it could have been worse. You could have been in Zimbabwe struggling like this and getting off far worse than this and your father could be struggling with medical services. So smile, smile knowing that you've got something that can help you fight and its inside you"

That just made me think a bit about me, and all these things happening. And I realised. I don't need to concern myself like that. The world might happen, but there'll always be a reason for you to smile about something. So smile, its better than spending your life wondering. Time for me to get back to work, I'm so sleepy I wonder if I made any sense tonight.

Thanks for reading
Kellz

I probably cant do it, but I sure as hell wanna try

Well, unfortunately, Shauna's motivational talk has been postponed till tomorrow. And judging by the way she's been feeling today, it may just be postponed till further notice or something. Doctors have decided to proceed with the treatment as was before the procedure. Its taking a bit of a toll on her but with her headaches and dizzy spells gone, this sounds the bells of opportunity. With her back on her treatment schedule, she's weakened a bit and is often too exhausted for anything. She's also doing her physio which has its additional physical effects. Thus she's just very weak and constantly drained.

Don't worry too much, she's still getting her regular dose of healthy smoothies :-) that I can guarantee though she has lost most of her appetite she will have the very occasional smoothie to keep her body's strength up a bit.

She is very ill too and suffers from nausea, fatigue, dizzy spells, the occasional black out, intense pain and this list goes on. So don't feel bad that she's not able to make contact with you much, she just is in too bad a space to keep her head around. She hardly has the consciousness to be around for long here.

So, the title of this blog is:I probably cant do it, but I sure as hell wanna try.

And the reason for that is, just Shauna. That's what she told doctors today, just out of nowhere she says that line. And its so amazing, and powerful. And she's absolutely right. They asked Shauna about possibly performing another procedure. For Shauna's ease of mind, doctors ensured that Shauna's general practitioner and previous oncologist were present to give her their input and direction. The procedure's a bit complicated to explain right now however I have asked Dr Elche to explain it to me when he has a free minute. I don't even know what its called. But Dr Adams told me what they discussed and that was her reply.

She's always so driven, by what I am yet to learn but she'll do it and jump right in. Anything to fight back. Its so amazing knowing someone like this. She's probably right too. I know that Dr Adams said that this may be a bit risky, but the result has proven itself to be good in the past. But knowing her health is deteriorating and she's so weak, she may not be strong enough for it, but she's willing to do it.

Thanks for reading, I have a meeting with my nurse on duty, will update again soon.

Kelly

Goodbye Lyssa

This morning, before popping into Shauna's room for a visit a nurse logged a distress ring in room 12C. That was Lyssa's room, knowing this I ran to the hallway and standing outside her room I saw her doctor's failed look. Lyssa passed away at 08:53 this morning.

For those who don't know who Lyssa is, she's been a good friend to Shauna since we moved to this hospital. Lyssa had leukemia, and things were pretty bad for her. Shauna met Lyssa on her second day here in the hallway and Lyssa was looking seriously down and sad, like something had bothered her. Shauna randomly started a conversation with her, which cheered her up and like many cancer patients out there she hardly had any support and there was hardly anyone that was simply there for her. Only her mother who was here on the odd occasion. Shauna built a relationship with Lyssa, encouraging her every opportunity she got. And gave Lyssa hope, something that anyone could see Lyssa badly needed. She gave Lyssa a reason to keep smiling and to fight a battle Lyssa was prepared to lose. When Shauna got the chance, she would ask me to take her around there to take a painting or just to simply chat or play her guitar and sing a little song for Lyssa. It was something good for Lyssa and proved her results good. Lyssa's blood pressure reduced to normal, she hardly had panic fits and she was more positive and looked much better than before. Even Lyssa's doctors noted the good influence Shauna had on her. Though doctors stressed that it was too late and were prepared to move her to a hospice for special care, Lyssa was determined, she now had that reason she had been searching for her entire life. When Shauna was in a blanket state, Lyssa would try her best to come around or send her nurse to convey messages. She would tell Shauna in her ear about how much better she's getting and how much she just misses her or simply just updates on her leukemia. The messages she gave Shauna, it was meaningful and grateful and honest. She was a pleasant girl.

When Shauna woke from her coma, even though she barely remembered Lyssa, Lyssa would still come around and talk to her. She rebuilt a relationship with Shauna. A good one. When walking into Shauna's room and telling her, I could see the hurt in her eyes. Shauna is doing okay, I guess that somehow she feels hurt and when I spoke to her before I left, she spoke about Kyle and how much she misses him. And she just said: "I'm fighting, for them. Its that simple. I can't give up, I need to find that fight, the fight that made me win the last time and when I do I know that they will look at me smiling. Its not just my fight. Its a fight for everyone." And that is just Shauna, the real superhero, fighting until the final battle and not backing off for a second.

Lyssa, you are truly missed by all who know you. TeamShauna will fight alongside Shauna and not just for her but for the many others like you, like Kyle and like Shauna. We'll see it through.

Thank you all for reading this and I know that this is a strange request, but please as you've read this, around the world there are so many people suffering from this and they need your support. You don't have to be a donor, you don't have to give money, you can just remember them. Cancer is a disease and the worst thing it affects is the mind. If you ever meet someone who suffers from this, encourage them. Remind them that there is hope and let them know that they are superheroes and they can make it.

On a lighter note, tomorrow we'll be taking Shauna to the offices, she'll be doing a motivational talk and prior to her speech we will try to record it, perhaps an audio or video clip. If you would like a copy, let James know or comment on the blog or ask Shauna or something and we'll send it to you. She said she wouldn't mind.

Thank you so much and have a good night.

Kellz

Shauna!

Another follower!!!! Yay! Helloooooo :-)

I'm so sorry guys, for not updating these past couple of days, oh I'm so damn terrible! I've been so consumed with doing crazy things that I just simply forget...

Now, let's update this blog :)

Shauna, well Shauna is Shauna. I have no idea how she manages all this. Sometimes I want to slap her, really freaking hard and tell her "Helloooooo! Its NOT FUCKING OKAY! FREAK OUT ALREADY!" Seriously! I wish you people could see how calm she is... It will most definitely piss you off too! I shit you not. Sorry for my vile language, well some consider it vile, its not that bad... But seriously, does ANYONE out there understand my frustration. When Shauna does yell or freak out or anything I panic, and feel like jumping off a cliff would be better than there in that moment.

So that's a little Shauna rant... I'm with her now, this is exactly how I feel, like PUNCHING her. That would hurt I know, but its so frustrating. She's sick, treatment has her worn down and she's out of it. Yet, she's here puking whatever she has left lurking in her stomach including some blood (I know, disgusting) but not for one second, not for one moment has she moaned or just expressed herself in pain. Any normal person could see what kind of pain she's in. Yet, she laughs. No, really! She's laughing. She's cracking up random jokes and LAUGHING! And you know what the problem is! As frustrated as I am, I'm LAUGHING TOO! Seriously! This is hilarious!

I'm losing my sanity its the only explanation I have....

So some news you need? Well, pretty much nothing has changed. She refuses pain medication. That's new... Well not NEW but you all understand the old Shauna refused pain medication and the new one well the one who doesn't remember refusing medication would tell us about her pains, yes... Her memory is coming back and with it comes the good old stubborn Shauna. When Dr Adams walked into the room this morning, instantly noticing her cringing in pain, he says "Hey, why haven't you told us anything? Let me get some pain medication for you" and INSTANTLY Shauna replied "I'm not in pain, nope, nothing!" And as the argument went on, Dr Elche replied "Don't even bother, she's refusing pain medication. She'll say soon enough whether she needs it or not" and she's still refusing. Great!

So where was I??? Ooohh yes! She's okay, herself, almost herself! And she's running a normal treatment schedule. Seems like she's actually coping with it. I know what you're thinking, but Dr Elche believes that she's making more progress than before, which is good. Now, she has lots of pain and right now physio is really a tough challenge for her. She badly wants to be able to walk again, but damaged nerves indicate that she's got LOTS of practice ahead of her, also considering how much trauma she has been through, SHAUNA TAKE IT SLOW!

Thanks again for reading, now Dr Elche better post this to TeamShauna on Twitter and then I need to go on my shift :-)

Thanks
Kellz

im bringing crazy back

While the world sings, "I'm bringing sexy back" Shauna goes and says "I'm bringing crazy back" such a true rebel.

Shauna was in such a good mood today, I can't even describe it. She's been up since 5AM (yes, really) and started reading some comic books. Then after that, when my shift started she just sat there smiling like a kid who got a candy stick or something. Seriously! I asked her what's up, why the smiles and then she said it, "ITS MY MOM'S BIRTHDAY!" And me, quietly inside panicking just replies "No, its in November!" And she says, "NO! My other mom,crazyballs" (just so we're all clear, she randomly makes up these strange words and suddenly names us all accordingly "its Angela! She's such an amazing person and she's an inspiration! Someone I really look up to!" She went on and on about talking about Angela all the time!
I didn't mind at all, in fact none of us did, somehow we all love hearing about the people in Shauna's life that contributes to her strength, willpower and level of positivity. Its good to know about these people and Dr Elche makes a note of them all, its generally these people that we refer her to when she's not strong enough to cope or feels down or when she's just exhausted.
And if you're thinking "I hope she feels this way about her mom" don't even think it! Shauna has a respect for her "biological mother" that can't be explained. She loves her and often talks about how thankful she is towards her mother for so many things... So don't you dare...

Angela, if you read this blog, from myself and our team of doctors and nurses here wish you a wonderful and amazing birthday and wish you many more years of happiness and success. We thank you for the wonderful contribution that you have made in Shauna's life and thank you for being such an exceptional role model to her. She is truly a blessed soul to have such a wonderful person in her life.

And to everyone who sometimes feels like they're not doing enough for Shauna's situation, you do more than you need to. Shauna talks about a whole list of people who means the world to her everyday. And these things, this what she feels for you is enough for her to have hope and to have faith that she needs. Just keep believing in her and keep reminding her of why she fights this fight. You have impacted on her by just being there for her and I promise you all, that is more than enough!

Okay, back to the "crazy back" story... Earlier we were talking to Shauna about her "options", now let me explain to you all, Shauna made a deal with us about her test results and so on, in a meeting with her, Dr Elche advised her that this was her decision and choice, and she asked that she stick to it. She still doesn't want any information about test results and so on to be given to her. We respect this decision of hers. In our discussion, Dr Adams was explaining to her the extent of the damage the stroke had caused and how they would be proceeding in terms of her general health, the effects of the stroke and also taking into consideration that leukemia has to be treated at some point. She then agreed to certain plans which will be put in place over the next few weeks going forward.

I will post all this once the doctors have met and I have finalised all the arrangements with the hospital, hopefully this will be tomorrow. But the funny thing was, after our discussion, Shauna just burst into laughter. And I asked what was so funny and she said, 'I'm picturing Dr Eltoe singing "I'm bringing sexy back" back that didn't sound or look right so I pictured me and Dr Eltoe signing "I'm bringing crazy back" together' and she was signing the lyrics to it (well her version) which kind of just cracked us all up.

Thanks for reading, now where do I find Dr Elche to post this to Twitter now! Aaahh there he is :)
Kelly :)

the tale of a hero

Today, while Shauna was waiting to go in for a scan she sat just a bit further down the hallway in her wheelchair. And this was close to one of the waiting rooms. She watched a little boy playing around and his mother frustrating herself. For anyone to be visiting an oncology unit must not be a great feeling so I can probably understand that the mother must have been there waiting in anticipation. But this little boy, probably around 5 or 6 years old, was running around, playing with his cars, and well just much nagging his mom for sweets or something.

I watched Shauna watching him. she called him over, and started a little conversation. His mom was a bit worried, and I just kind of eased her thoughts saying its okay, but Shauna and this little boy were chatting away having their own little conversation. And while they were in conversation she asked him who his visiting and he said it was his brother, he's waiting on his brother to get better so that they can hang out together and his brother can play with him. She said that she was waiting to get better so that she could play with her sisters too. And then she asked if he liked the car he had in his hands and he said he loves it, his brother gave it to him on his birthday saying that one day he can ride a car like that. And her words were:

Do you know Batman? He has a car just like that, its such a cool car and it has so many cool gadgets on it too. And Batman uses it to help him bag all the bad guys. Maybe, just maybe, your brother thinks that you'll be a superhero like Batman one day? You could save the world! And maybe be even better than batman.

This adorable little boy, asked her, do you know any superheroes? And her response was:

Yes, but you can't tell anyone, okay? Maybe your brother, but you can't say a word to anyone else. Okay? (The boy nodded in such excitement). Yes, I am a superhero. Really, you see in battle I got injured so now my superhero doctors are taking care of me, at this hospital they only have superhero doctors and they make sure we're okay so that we can kick all the bad guys butts! I'm serious. I'm just pretending to look so sick for all the visitors because they may just pick up on who I am and bombard me while I'm sick. And I know your brother, he's a secret superhero too. But I can't tell you our hero names, well because its super top secret.

The boy, with a cocky little voice says "but howcome I don't hear about you" and she simply replied "because an honest hero doesn't need the world to know that he or she exists".

That little boy went to sit down next to his mom, quietly and calmly sat there. I suppose he tried to take all this in.

The thing that hit my mind was, she's right! She's a hero and the world doesn't need to know what she does for it, and somehow we all have a bit of hero in us. We can all make a difference and we don't need a red cape or a batmobile or a flashy costume. We gotta help those that need it most. A true hero sacrifices themselves to help another, throws away what they're feeling or what they need to do and just make a difference, one person at a time. She's a real hero, I know that deep down inside she knows it!

why not?

So, Shauna's remembering things. Its good, that just means that the amnesia is temporary. As her memory comes back, her brain is being kept active, good thing. Guys please understand, SHE WON'T SUDDENLY REMEMBER THINGS! It doesn't work that way, right now, its all flowing around her head, and for her to understand everything os still very much IMPOSSIBLE at this stage. I know, its a bit hard but I promise you, pushing her is just not going to be a helpful thing, Shauna's mind still needs to resort all that's coming back. It comes back in flashes and is quite overwhelming, thus she has headaches, dizzy spells, and sometimes, nose bleeds too. Do NOT push her too hard, eventually she will remember.

I had to make mention of it! She had a visitor today, her cousin, who thought that maybe pushing her to remember something would help. It did just the opposite.

Now, let's hit some more pressing issues:

Tomorrow, we have the testing facilities to ourselves, this will be great. I'll be Shauna's side kick for the day. Dr Elche and Dr Salie will be administering all tests and will be running the follow through. Also, from Dr Elche's side, he will no longer fit into a specific shift, it was a combined decision yesterday that Dr Elche will remain on standby and will be called in to assist where needed. Its currently being done in any case. Shauna, however has physio scheduled for 15:00 tomorrow, hopefully she will be able to have the strength needed. We hope she does. Tuesday, we'll have a specialist see her to assist with her memory returning and to help her ease things and thereafter she'll have another physio session with Dan.

Wednesday morning, Shauna's treatment will be administered as per norm, and this time we'll start her off with treatment level as mild as possible and thereafter, we will assess any further steps to be taken. Well the doctors but I'll throw my penny in the pot :)

Thanks for reading :-) more info to come soon, and also I will be posting some information from Dr Elche once he has a moment to spare

Kellz

making progress

I just love this team, all of us work together closely to do whatever we can. With this type of situation we're just all hands on. We're no perfect and sometimes we fail but we work so well together. And I must say Dr Elche you have done an amazing job at keeping us together, you're a good leader. I just to fit that in somewhere.

Now, back to the amazing Shauna.... She's drowsy and lethargic that is probably the reason for her not communicating much. She has tendencies to black out and has been ignorant to her pains that she experiences. The medication given to her to ease her pains are helping too. Right now, she's taking a nap and I thought it the best time to post an update to her blog. With all the trauma her body has endured, she needs her sleep. Its important for her to rest, to gather strength but Shauna, nooo she's rebellious she doesn't want to rest, she fights her sleep more than anything else.

Today was good though, this afternoon we removed her oxygen pump and she feels so much more relieved. Dr Elche said that she's slowly gathering her strength back together with her willpower. He's arranged for Dan to come around on Monday to work with her again, 30 minutes per day for next week and they'll see how it progresses thereafter. Also next week, we may be starting her treatments up again, we cannot neglect the potential of her leukemia getting worse as it already is. Since last night, Shauna hasn't been feeling too great due to nausea creeping up on her, and with that she's been throwing up some amounts of blood which has taken away her appetite. Though I need to say that for the past two days, she had been eating quite a bit, well not really much however she has at least a plate of food everyday, unlike the days when she'll only eat certain things.

That's all from me for now, another one will come soon.